I CaNt BrEath...

Suddenly my heart feel so heavy and my body so tire... I'm suffocating & dying soon...Everything just come back to me like it use to be. Think I'm falling sick again.
My right eye is red in colour, I dun think is my contact lenses. I feel so weak, I'm going to be down with flu soon. I drag myself to work today, it was raining so heavily. How I wish it's a sat... In JC, I used to play guardian and angel. My guardian angel will drop me a note every week. Although I'm not suppose to find out who my guardian angel is but I find out who tt person is in the end. Is there really a guardian angel in reality who will secretly protect us? If there's, think my angel is just as lazy as me. I always believe that there will be sunshine after a heavy down pour. That was a belief and will never come true in reality. After every down pour I will only see darky cloudy sky and the rain would start to pour fron sky again. I always ask myself what have I done to deserve all the unlucky things and when will there be sunshine for me. I start to lose faith in myself and lost confident in evrything I do. I slow down my pace, waiting for good things to happen on me and not fighting for what I want. Even if I fight, will I get what I want.

In camp Training

Aiden needs to attend in camp training for this week and I'm left alone. There' good and bad, good is I got more freedom and bad is no driver to fetch me home from work.
I just requested my GST rebate package to be credited into my bank account. It's only $200, better than nothing but think I will be paying more than $200 for GST after the 2% increment. Think I must write a list of what I wanna get before GST increase.

I'm not A Princess.....

I'm not a princess but I'm someone's darling and child. I also have parents to dote on me and I'm someone's grand daughter too.
I didn't come from a wealthy family but doen't mean I don't deserve a grand wedding. I didn't ask for much, but just a memorable wedding that I can remember till I die. Is every girls dream and not just mine too... Am I so worthless that I don't desrve one? I cannot sleep at all, not even after one glass of red wine. Today is Mother's Day and I think my mom would be sad if she know about what happen... I shant tell her, I have given her enough trouble, I shant let her worry about me. I'm old enough to handle my own stuff. I didn' ask for a five star grand wedding and why must you say such hurting words and compare with ur grand daughter. I hate comparison and I'm sure Aiden don't wish to be compare also. I know ur future grand son-in-law is very rich and he can afford 5 star hotel wedding, I din even compare mine to them and I din even ask for that... Why must you say such nasty thing to me, I lost all respect for you.
Ur daughter deserve something good although I'm not ur daughter but I'm my mom dearest too.
Whatever joy and happiness are all gone. I don't know how to carry on the wedding planning anymore. Thought wedding planning should be full of happiness but I don't feel it at all. What must I suffer the same fate as my mom and what did I do to deserve all that treatment.Thanks for the propose but all happinese are gone now, I really do not know what to do...

My new blackberry

This is the first time I blog from a PDA phone. I'm so happy, my company just provided me with a blackberry handheld with unlimited GPRS... Keke Even Aiden also envy me, I can go online anytime and anywhere LOL
The purpose of this phone is to work 24/7 but I doubt I will...
Now still waiting for my mom to trim my hair for me. That Aiden said after lunch come back, bluff me one, now already 4pm. Lucky I dun feel like going out today. Just feel like going JP for dinner and buy dry food for Tinky.

AiMLeSS

I'm feeling very aimless nowadays, I don't know which direction to head to. I don't whether I have this feeling due to my current job. I keep having negative thoughts. People keep saying I have everything and I should be contended with my life now. But why am I not contended with my life, is my expectation too high till me myself also cannot meet my own expectation.

Towards my job, I'm feeling aimless. I don't where I am now. I just know that I''m standing at the cross road junction like a lost kitten, hoping someone will lead me to the right track. Actually, I should be happy that I get to serve net at work and my workload so manageable that I've so much free time. This is the only way I can comfort myself... haha

My colleagues, not just one and I used 's', told me that they had been 'suay' ever since they stepped into the company. One of my colleague suffered skin allegy due to dust mite that is in the air and chair of my company, she get knocked on her head and suffered an one inch cut. Another of my colleague even worst...she fail her module, her bf break up with her and her grandma died. The other one suffered from diarrhoea and suffered alot due to her pregnancy. They are talking about the next one is me......

I don't want anything to happen to me.... please don't

My bf just proposed to me and I dont want anything to happen to this relationship. This relationship is something I really fought for to keep things going and I hope history wont repeat. Somehow or rather I feel insecure and uncertain after Aiden propose. Is this the pre-rom sympton that I'm suffering? I wish to be happy for the rest of my life, I've suffered enough of down in my life, I just hope that for the rest of my life later on will only be up.
Uncertainty comes when I see my colleague left with few hundred in the bank. Every month end, she got to pay for childcare fee, doctor fee for her kids and the remainder left for herself was not even enough to survive till her next pay.
Getting a flat for ourselves means that I cannot be yaya anymore. I cannot happily quit my job when I want to take a rest. I must be mature and weigh pros and cons if I wish to take a break off work. I must save up for renovation, wedding dinner all and all the other expenses. This will mean saving drop. No more branded stuff, no more good food, limitation to clothes etc.
Getting a flat is not as easy as I think it was. I thought CPF got enough money to pay for everything then I wont have to worry. Even now CPF gt enough money, there is no flat which I like at all. When can I have my own nest....with a dog and hubby (This make a healthy family)LOL Think Aiden will kill me if he see this. Then I will tell him.... I WANT ANOTHER DOG. I can justify my want.... wahahahhahaha

ThE ProPosE

27 April 2007 is a special day for me, I dunno whether this day mean anything to Aiden cos he choosen this date to propose to me. I'm really surprise and shock, I really did not expect a simple gathering at Sembawang Yatch Club mean so much to me....

When I reached the place, the waitress just direct us to a table beside the sea and the waitress was smiling at us cunningly. I feel uneasy initially but I didn't sense any wrong.

The place was quite romantic but quite a number of mosquitoes are sucking my blood. I was asked to accompany Aiden's friend gf to toilet. I felt funny initially cos why do I have to accompany her to the toilet when I wasn't even high tide but I did not suspect anything.

After i came back from the toilet and return to my seat, a model plane flew up from my seat with a note "Will you marry me?"

The background music is I do Cherish from 98 Degree. After the plane fly in, the waitress walk up to my seat with precious moment figurine.

After the waitress walk in with the figurine, Aiden kneel down and present me with the flowers, bear and ring. I cried.....

I oso dunno why I cry when I know he eventually will propose but is a matter of time. I really appreciate his effort and feel his love for me.

PrAwN FiShInG WiTh TiNkY

This is the first time we brought Tinky out ever since we brought him back from the pet shop. He did a very silly action in the car, he farted.... keke He polluted the car with his german gas.

Everyone was like asking who is the one who fart? I was the one who carry him on my lap and the smell is from him... lol

Tinky looking so happy in the pictures.

I must tell the whole world that someone stolen our prawns. We caught a total of 4 prawns during the first hour and in the end our net got stolen. Kao! Dunno who is tt idiot who did that, he or she better get choke by the prawns he solen from us.

Tinky start to look bored and he refuse to look at the camera.... so sad

Aiden must be thinking who stole his prawns....

We left after 2 hrs without any catch. $25 just wasted for nothing but we have another hr left to go back anytime for the prawn fishing. Think if we go NTUC and use that $75 to buy prawns, we can buy a few kg of tiger prawns.