AiMLeSS

I'm feeling very aimless nowadays, I don't know which direction to head to. I don't whether I have this feeling due to my current job. I keep having negative thoughts. People keep saying I have everything and I should be contended with my life now. But why am I not contended with my life, is my expectation too high till me myself also cannot meet my own expectation.

Towards my job, I'm feeling aimless. I don't where I am now. I just know that I''m standing at the cross road junction like a lost kitten, hoping someone will lead me to the right track. Actually, I should be happy that I get to serve net at work and my workload so manageable that I've so much free time. This is the only way I can comfort myself... haha

My colleagues, not just one and I used 's', told me that they had been 'suay' ever since they stepped into the company. One of my colleague suffered skin allegy due to dust mite that is in the air and chair of my company, she get knocked on her head and suffered an one inch cut. Another of my colleague even worst...she fail her module, her bf break up with her and her grandma died. The other one suffered from diarrhoea and suffered alot due to her pregnancy. They are talking about the next one is me......

I don't want anything to happen to me.... please don't

My bf just proposed to me and I dont want anything to happen to this relationship. This relationship is something I really fought for to keep things going and I hope history wont repeat. Somehow or rather I feel insecure and uncertain after Aiden propose. Is this the pre-rom sympton that I'm suffering? I wish to be happy for the rest of my life, I've suffered enough of down in my life, I just hope that for the rest of my life later on will only be up.
Uncertainty comes when I see my colleague left with few hundred in the bank. Every month end, she got to pay for childcare fee, doctor fee for her kids and the remainder left for herself was not even enough to survive till her next pay.
Getting a flat for ourselves means that I cannot be yaya anymore. I cannot happily quit my job when I want to take a rest. I must be mature and weigh pros and cons if I wish to take a break off work. I must save up for renovation, wedding dinner all and all the other expenses. This will mean saving drop. No more branded stuff, no more good food, limitation to clothes etc.
Getting a flat is not as easy as I think it was. I thought CPF got enough money to pay for everything then I wont have to worry. Even now CPF gt enough money, there is no flat which I like at all. When can I have my own nest....with a dog and hubby (This make a healthy family)LOL Think Aiden will kill me if he see this. Then I will tell him.... I WANT ANOTHER DOG. I can justify my want.... wahahahhahaha